Deafening Silence
by cluelessromantic
Summary: Doumeki reflects, could be seen as a sister story to 'Fear and That Feeling' but it works as a stand alone. Influenced by manga!verse much more than 'Fear and That Fealing' was.


Watanuki is the strangest person Doumeki has ever met. Watanuki is loud, he flails around, and when Himawari is around he gives off sparkles. He hates Doumeki (or he claims to anyway, Doumeki doesn't think Watanuki actually hates him, or at least he hopes Watanuki doesn't) for no apparent reason. Doumeki has never done anything to make Watanuki hate him (except for the time with the spirit woman who made Watanuki sick, but he'd go see her anyway, idiot, because maybe Doumeki can understand Watanuki hating him for that. Doumeki doesn't regret what he did, not at all, but he could understand if Watanuki hated him for it, maybe. Watanuki had kept talking to him though so he can't hate Doumeki as much as he claims to). Whenever Doumeki is around though Watanuki yells and flails more than usual. He glares and complains about Doumeki's presence, even though being around Doumeki means he'll be safe from the spirits that constantly plague him. There's no reason Doumeki should even care about Watanuki. Watanuki is loud, and annoying, and he can't seem to understand that doing stupid things that get himself hurt is a _Bad Thing_ (even if he is getting slightly better at not doing stupid things, maybe). There's no reason Doumeki should care about someone who protests so vehemently to Doumeki's very presence, but he does. Doumeki does care because every time the thought crosses his mind that he should not, he sees an image of Watanuki standing alone in the rain, cradling a dead stray in his arms as if it was most precious thing in all the world (and Doumeki _knows_ Watanuki is crying, even if Doumeki can't prove it, the rain that runs down Watanuki's cheeks hiding any tears. He has to be crying because no one can say those words, believe them the way Watanuki so obviously did, and not be crying). Every time Doumeki sees that image his insides turn to ice, and he feels like someone just punched him in the gut. As far as Doumeki is concerned that's a good enough reason in Doumeki's mind to care. So Doumeki sticks around, he watches Watanuki, listens to him. Doumeki listens and he realizes something important about Watanuki.

Watanuki is the loudest quiet person Doumeki has ever met.

Watanuki yells and flails to hide the fact that he's not saying anything. He hides his silence behind noise. Watanuki is all loud words, loud movements, and silence. His words mean nothing, it's all just pointless noise. He's like a cornered animal, who puff themselves up to make it seem like they're bigger than they really are. They use loud colors, sounds, and sights to throw predators off. Watanuki does the same thing. He uses loud words and crazy movements to throw people off. He hides within their confusion, their distraction, behind the noise, where no one sees his silence. Everyone is too preoccupied with the noise to look deeper. Doumeki hears the silence, but he plugs his ears and call Watanuki annoying because he's not sure what Watanuki will do if he knows Doumeki hears it.

So Doumeki sticks to Watanuki. He protects Watanuki, and keeps the spirits away. He demands food because Yuuko says that all debts must be payed and he doesn't want to find out what will happen to Watanuki if he owes the universe a tab (plus Watanuki cooks better than anyone he knows, and maybe it makes him feel warm inside to eat the food Watanuki made him. The food that Doumeki specifically requested , that Watanuki said he would not make, but would always be there anyway the next day). He stands by while Watanuki rants, and rages. Doumeki sits by, listens to the silence beneath Watanuki's facade and waits to hear those few glittering jems. He waits for those moments when Watanuki truly speaks, when he actually says something.

By all rights Doumeki shouldn't care about Watanuki. Watanuki is annoying, he is loud words, and crazy contortions. Watanuki is deafening silences hidden in plain sight. He is a mass of contradictions, and Doumeki shouldn't care (but he does, he really does. Maybe one day Watanuki will figure it out or Doumeki will tell him. Possibly, Watanuki is a cornered animal after all and Doumeki doesn't want to scare Watanuki away. Watanuki needs Doumeki's protection, and maybe Doumeki can admit to himself he needs Watanuki too). Watanuki is the strangest person Doumeki has ever meet, and maybe he's ok with that.

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I posted both this story and "Fear and that Feeling" on my livejournal awhile back, and I thought it was about time I posted them here too. ;


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